Letting go of negatives in your life

Stopping objects from building walls in front of you

Why is it that accepting something in life is hard, but letting go of it is 100 times even harder? We as humans have a hard time with change as it's a long documented reality that has run a thread throughout history. It's why our political systems are so insanely simple and barely anything changes drastically over a short period of time. If our favorite restaurant were to change an ingredient in our favorite dish, we will probably hate it immediately. Remember New Coke? It was received terribly. How about Van Hagar? Also received terribly. We just hate change, even if it is actually good for us.

Relationships:

I'm sure you've known someone that has stayed in a relationship long after it should have ended. Maybe you've even heard the person complain quite often about their relationship and their partner, yet remain in it nonetheless. Sometimes these relationships have even involved abuse or cheating, yet people hang tight. Their partner "will change", "was confused", "or felt neglected" so they ultimately forgive them, yet their partner goes on to repeat the behavior again and again.

Why do we do this to ourselves? The unknown is often seen as scary and we don't know what it holds. What we have now is familiar and what's out there could certainly end up being worse, right? Most often this is not true. There's a level of sunk cost in anything we do. All of us have a finite amount of time on this planet whether we want to admit it or not. Every second of our lives should be seen as valuable so we hate to feel that we've wasted our time on someone that treated us a certain way. So our answer is to stick it out and ignore the negatives.

All of that time could have been used in some other way. So the longer we've invested time on someone the more we're prone to hanging around because we hate to feel we've wasted so much time. It's best to take a leap of faith in your own well being and chance the unknown. From my own experience, it can be scary but I was pleasantly surprised what I found at the end of that tunnel.

So far, I've worded this in the terms of a relationship, but the reality is that this can be the case for so many other situations.

Jobs:

In the old days, people often got hired at one company and spent the rest of their years working there until retirement. Many of these same people married in their youth and stayed together until death. Sticking it out, regardless of the situation is a trait that I personally am glad is dying out. However, even today, people are still falling into that work trap and staying at jobs they hate while dealing with terrible bosses or co-workers. Sure, it's possible that there truly is no other job opportunities available and the economy is obviously not in the best shape right now.

Beyond this, you have no other reason to stay working somewhere that pulls you down, sucks the life out of you, makes you not want to rise above, nor lets you expand your skills. I can guarantee there is a better opportunity for you out there. It may not be the first one you find, but it is out there. This is why you see more or more of the newer generations changing jobs so often. Companies barely offer incentives for loyalty yet expect you to offer it regardless. Many people are wising up to this now, and jumping ship the first chance they can.

Having a plan is the key to pulling this off. Save money, get creative, grow your connections, and possibly even consider relocating if necessary. This is all easier said than done, but snap out of it and focus on yourself before your willpower gives in and you accept mediocrity the rest of your life.

This also includes situations when you run a business where you are hired by clients. If the client is absorbing too much of your time, terrible about paying on time (or at all), or just not giving enough of a reason to keep working with them, then it is in your best interest to walk away.

Friendships:

I've heard before that we are only as strong as the friends around us. That a strong friend base can greatly impact our lives, yet so can a negative one. Friendships can affect so many different areas of our lives including our dating options, emotional support, connections for job or business networking growth, financial assistance when necessary, and more. I've gone through periods where I wasted time hanging with friends that gave very little net positive values to my life. A friend could be good for financial assistance when no one else would help you, yet they're terrible at helping you grow your network as they often push away everyone else. Others may demand so much of your free time to just hear their own issues and then give you very little time to speak about your own.

It's important to weigh their pros and cons as soon as possible to figure out who isn't worth your effort so that you can remove them from your life. If you let this goes on too long, you could miss out on meeting better friends. I didn't always understand this one myself and have backed myself into a corner before with only a few friends only to realize the net negative I was getting from them. I then felt maybe having no friends was a better bet, but the reality is, it makes it extremely difficult to further oneself when no one is there to help you. We are social animals after all and the evolution of us into cities proves that we were meant to come together into hive civilizations.

Family:

The sad reality is that sometimes we have to cut out our own family members. "Blood is thicker than water" is a common phrase about how a family is always there for each other despite any conflicts. Yet, sometimes your family IS your conflicts. There are plenty examples of this including sibling rivalries, relative rivalries, parents jealous of their children, or are abusive to them, or are just outright terrible people to every one they meet.

Walking away from family is probably the toughest of all of these choices, but sometimes it must be done if you want to grow as a person. If you realize that someone in your family is holding your life back or trying to ruin it, then it is probably best to just walk away. The emotional impact that this can have on you is bad no matter how it plays out, but hopefully the net will be positive from not having them impacting every decision you make.

Other:

There can even be other situations that its best to walk away from. Maybe it's a volunteer situation that is nothing but filled with drama or a hobby that is simply draining your wallet and giving you no more thrill. In the end, we have to stop worrying about the sunk cost of the situation and decide what is best for the future version of us.

I often speak of the fact that I hate to borrow against the future version of myself. This could simply be about not buying frivolous expensive items that I have to pay back eventually, but this also represents my time as well. I know that the future version of myself will be older, slower, and possibly not any richer. So why would I want to put a handicap on that version of myself knowing these are all highly probable? Life will only spiral harder and harder from here if I do this to myself.

Sticking through something just because the past version of me went through it is not a good enough reason to make the future version of me deal with it as well.

Start standing up for yourself, and say that this all ends now!